Posts Tagged ‘Observations

05
May
15

And now for something completely different…

In 1698 a British scholar came face-to-face with the unknown one foggy night while walking the dissolute cobble stone streets after hoisting one too many at the local pub. A malevolent fog bank already had him on edge when a sudden ‘POP’ to his rear spun him around ready to defend his honor. With fists raised, he found himself alone. The only proof that remained was the sudden awareness that the air lingering around him had become most foul.

This British scholar was Sir Charles Phart.

Keep your nose upwind.   J/W

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25
Apr
15

Yahoo News… Proof that everybody poops.

This morning, Yahoo news sported an article discussing the possible causes for the recent explosion in seismic activity around Oklahoma.

From the article “The seismicity rate in Oklahoma is about 600 times greater than it was before 2008, around the time dewatering started in the state. Just last year, 585 magnitude 3+ earthquakes hit Oklahoma — compared with 109 in 2013.”

Unless I’ve forgotten something about math, I believe they meant to say either: ‘6 times greater’ or ‘600 percent greater’. 600 times greater would have meant they had around 65,000 magnitude 3+ earthquakes last year. Yikes!

That’s further proof that no one is perfect. Not only did the writer miss the mistake, but so did the editor.

Live free and enjoy life! J/W

15
Apr
12

Help me to understand…please!

Okay now I consider myself a fairly intelligent guy – so why am I having so much trouble understanding simple economics.    What am I talking about?    Well let me explain… and be patient with me as I’m typing this after a few too many glasses of wine.    My wife and I watch several shows like ‘House Hunters International’ where some well-off foreigner is looking to buy some hobble in a  second or third world country.    What makes me scratch my head and ponder the question that leads to this post is – why on earth, could a run down, no internal plumbing, barely standing, shack, in some small underprivileged village cost upwards of $200K.     I mean this same place, mind you I’m not talking about ocean front property, would cost between 20 and 60K here in the United States.   How can it demand so much money in any country that isn’t defined as the most prosperous, well-to-do and economically well-off place to live in the world?   Is it that the locals are taking advantage of dim-witted foreigners who define any place without running water as exotic?   Have we lost our marbles?    Or have I?    Please tell me what in the “h” “e” double hocky sticks is going on?    Looking for answers among the mist of ill-conceived ideas…  J/W

14
Oct
11

What’s with that…

Why is it that everytime I come to “lane ending – merge” sign on the road, everybody pulls into the lane that’s ending?

 

10
Mar
08

Best smart-ass answers of 2007 (author(s) unknown)… part 2

Here's what you've been waiting for.... the best smart ass answer of 2007: 

SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the teenager  who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The teenager  replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the express-way.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead".
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

Until next time, remember that it's good to laugh at yourself sometimes... and always good to laugh at the other guy.   J/W

07
Mar
08

Best smart-ass answers of 2007 (author(s) unknown)…

 More fun facts from my email in-box.    I'll continue the count down to number one tomorrow:

 THE 6 BEST SMART-ASS ANSWERS OF 2007:

SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Until next time, remember there are no stupid questions (yeah right!).   J/W

04
Mar
08

Idiot Sighting… #3

All good things must come to an end... so too does this.    It saddens me to say that this is the last of my 'Idiot Sighting' posts.    I appreciate all who contributed to their content (both first hand and as a third party):

Idiot Sighting:

I was at a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.  She was
leaving the company due to downsizing.  Our manager commented
cheerfully, "This is fun; we should do this more often" not another word
was spoken.  We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

Idiot Sighting:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, could not understand why her system would
not turn on.
She is a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

Idiot Sighting:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
drivers' side door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

Hey, I announced to the technician, "it's open!"
His reply, "I know, I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

Until next time, I present these examples of why I say a man (or woman) should never be judged by how much they make.   J/W




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