Posts Tagged ‘life

03
Aug
15

I got in trouble with my wife last night…

I was lathering up in the shower after a hard, sweaty day of working outside when I spotted this odd little bar of soap stashed away in the corner behind my wife’s loofa.   At the time I didn’t realize it was some special kind of rejuvenating soap that she’d just purchased off of QVC to moisturize her face.

I thought it was the designated butt bar…

Boy was she mad!

What can I say? J/W

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05
May
15

And now for something completely different…

In 1698 a British scholar came face-to-face with the unknown one foggy night while walking the dissolute cobble stone streets after hoisting one too many at the local pub. A malevolent fog bank already had him on edge when a sudden ‘POP’ to his rear spun him around ready to defend his honor. With fists raised, he found himself alone. The only proof that remained was the sudden awareness that the air lingering around him had become most foul.

This British scholar was Sir Charles Phart.

Keep your nose upwind.   J/W

25
Apr
15

Yahoo News… Proof that everybody poops.

This morning, Yahoo news sported an article discussing the possible causes for the recent explosion in seismic activity around Oklahoma.

From the article “The seismicity rate in Oklahoma is about 600 times greater than it was before 2008, around the time dewatering started in the state. Just last year, 585 magnitude 3+ earthquakes hit Oklahoma — compared with 109 in 2013.”

Unless I’ve forgotten something about math, I believe they meant to say either: ‘6 times greater’ or ‘600 percent greater’. 600 times greater would have meant they had around 65,000 magnitude 3+ earthquakes last year. Yikes!

That’s further proof that no one is perfect. Not only did the writer miss the mistake, but so did the editor.

Live free and enjoy life! J/W

05
Sep
11

The secret life of a what… an american teenager… huh…

Now I know several folks think this show is the best thing since the space-saver spare.    Any why not… I’ve been told that it’s collected all kinds of awards and stuff.     Simple-minded me… I’m just trying to figure out what – and why in the hell would a show with no actors win anything.    I mean at first the acting was so poor that I thought it must have been some really bad (and I mean really bad) reality show – as if we need another one of those.    But as I sat there counting the seconds of my life slip by, I watched several robotic-like high schoolers whip around in their fancy new cars with their flashy clothes and bedding each other down in these highfalutin apartments – the which I can only dream about affording.    So I quickly came to an ever so appearant conclusion…

1) While the parents aren’t too bad of actors, the only teenager that act better than a fly on the wall is the girl from “Still Standing”.

2) The writers are either kids themselves or the studios only have the coin for minimum wage.

3) Enough of the cell phones already!    My God over half of the ten minutes that I spent watching this show were focused on the brain-dead stare of some teenager blabbing nonsense on their cell.

4) “…Secret Life” should do us a favor and remain a secret.    Enough glamorizing teenage pregnancy.    This show in no way reflects real life… well maybe except for that brain-dead stare that people have while talking on the cell phone.    Get a clue… you don’t look hip or cool and even though Facebook and the like might try to convince you otherwise… no one really gives a xxxx what you’re doing or saying at any particular time.

Just like you’ve had enough of what I have to say… J/W

30
Jun
08

I couldn’t have said it better….

Letter from one 'Angry Woman'

I don't know who wrote it but they should have signed it. Some powerful words. This woman should run for president.

Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like it! This is one ticked off lady.

“Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September11, 2001?

Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania?

Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?

And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was 'desecrated' when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all.

I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia

I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for chopping off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

I'll care when the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide.

I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don't care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don't care..

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and-you guessed it-I don't care !!

If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!

If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country!”

How refreshing it is to spot a beacon of reason within the tumultuous sea of political self-censorship. J/W

23
Jun
08

My vampire serial ‘Survival’….

Still no word yet from Amazon as to when they're going to start accepting submissions again.    For all those who downloaded 'Survival - The Fall of Post #17' I ask for your patience - at some point in time I'm sure that Amazon will re-open their Shorts Program and then you'll be able to read the second installment 'Survival - The Seige of Lawrence'.    Until then, please remember that you can check out the first chapter from two of my finished manuscripts on my website jonathonwise.com.

Thanks, J/W

15
Jun
08

I’m dead dog tired and drag’ in like there’s no tomorrow….

Been two weeks since my last post. Wish I could say that I’ve been busy writing the next great novel – but that’d just be wishing. Its summer and that means one thing around my house – projects, projects and more projects. I know some people can’t wait for the weekend to get here. They envision a restful time of relaxation, two glorious days taken at a pace a good step or two slower than what they are forced to endure during the week. Unfortunately I’ve never been one to sit down and relax. It’s just not in my nature. So what have I been up to?

I took down a brick column in the front that supports the roof over my porch. It was a big massive thing that just didn’t look welcoming. In its place I put up a traditional Craftsman column (trapezoid – wider at the bottom and narrower at the top) set on top of a salvaged limestone slab – which I mounted to partial brick column. The brick comes up about 30 inches, then the limestone (2.5 inches thick) and then the wood post.

Then I decided that I wanted more light in our kitchen. We have a banquette area just off the kitchen that had two casement style windows. I took those out, took out about 50 bricks on the outside wall, put in a new wider header and framed up the wall for 3 double hung side-by-side windows. Since I already had most of the wall open, I went ahead and took off all the old plaster and lathe, insulated everything and then hung new drywall.

Of course all this has been taking place while my wife and I are trying to get our house painted. The rush is on because we’ve got roofers coming out in mid-July to put a new copper roof over our sunroom, bay window and on the flat portion of the very top of our roof (kind of like a widow’s walk but without the fanfare). So Saturday we went at it from 9:00 to 6:00. Today we got going about the same time and finished up about 5:00. By the time we get cleaned up and make dinner – it seems like it’s about time to go to bed.

Anyway… sorry I missed a post. I’ll be back it daily once all the projects get done around the house. Until next time, do as I say and not as I do – take a moment to smell the roses before they’re all gone. J/W




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