Archive for the 'humor' Category


I got in trouble with my wife last night…

I was lathering up in the shower after a hard, sweaty day of working outside when I spotted this odd little bar of soap stashed away in the corner behind my wife’s loofa.   At the time I didn’t realize it was some special kind of rejuvenating soap that she’d just purchased off of QVC to moisturize her face.

I thought it was the designated butt bar…

Boy was she mad!

What can I say? J/W


And now for something completely different…

In 1698 a British scholar came face-to-face with the unknown one foggy night while walking the dissolute cobble stone streets after hoisting one too many at the local pub. A malevolent fog bank already had him on edge when a sudden ‘POP’ to his rear spun him around ready to defend his honor. With fists raised, he found himself alone. The only proof that remained was the sudden awareness that the air lingering around him had become most foul.

This British scholar was Sir Charles Phart.

Keep your nose upwind.   J/W


Just how smart are we?

I saw this on the AP Wire out of Kentucky…

A guy got his 1968 Camaro stuck in the mud.   After countless attempts to push it out with the help of his “crew”, he got this great idea.   One of his buddies pulled up behind the Camaro in a 4WD pickup to push it out.   To keep from doing any damage to either car or truck, the owner of the Camaro slid between the vehicles, sat on the front bumper of the pickup, stuck out his legs and braced his feet against the rear bumper of the Camaro.    The last thing he yelled before both knees blew out was, “Gun it!”

Sometimes I wonder how we made it this far.   J/W



Holloween in Hard Times…

You know times are tough when this happens:

On the good side of the tracks…

The first house I went to gave me a stick.   I peered at the old-fart through the eye holes of my Chucky mask.   His response, “Now move along.”

The second, third and forth house on the street had the drapes drawn, lights out and a sign posted at the foot of their sidewalk.  ‘Move along’.

At the fifth house, a scantily-clad young lady answered the door.   I’m only eleven so I’m too young to know what she was supposed to be – but she reminded me of the models I see in my dad’s magazine.   She gave me a big, long hug and then dropped a single wrapped caramel in my bag.   I think she said, “Now move along.”  I’m not real sure because I think I was staring at her boobies, when she pushed me aside for this older kid.

At the sixth house a wrinkling old woman gave me a green apple.   “Now it looks like you have some work to do.”

I heard it was even worse on the “other” side of the tracks.

Instead of giving out apples – they just handed out razor blades.


The city came by this morning and asked if they wanted me to sweep up all the discarded candy.    I told them that my dog has already volunteered.

Have a spooky-good time.  J/W




The Mayan Calendar…

Wow!    Will it’s the 21st.    I guess I can un-pucker my butt and climb out of my hole.   J/W


Help me to understand…please!

Okay now I consider myself a fairly intelligent guy – so why am I having so much trouble understanding simple economics.    What am I talking about?    Well let me explain… and be patient with me as I’m typing this after a few too many glasses of wine.    My wife and I watch several shows like ‘House Hunters International’ where some well-off foreigner is looking to buy some hobble in a  second or third world country.    What makes me scratch my head and ponder the question that leads to this post is – why on earth, could a run down, no internal plumbing, barely standing, shack, in some small underprivileged village cost upwards of $200K.     I mean this same place, mind you I’m not talking about ocean front property, would cost between 20 and 60K here in the United States.   How can it demand so much money in any country that isn’t defined as the most prosperous, well-to-do and economically well-off place to live in the world?   Is it that the locals are taking advantage of dim-witted foreigners who define any place without running water as exotic?   Have we lost our marbles?    Or have I?    Please tell me what in the “h” “e” double hocky sticks is going on?    Looking for answers among the mist of ill-conceived ideas…  J/W


Notable one-liners… answers!

Okay you’ve had a chance to mull it over.    Exactly how well do you know your movies?

  1. Look what I’ve done – I loved him and now I’ve gone and killed him. (Storm of the Century)
  2. I will find you. (Last of the Mohicans)
  3. He will know your ways as if born to them.   (Dune)
  4. Why don’t you put her in charge.  (Aliens)
  5. Get away from her you BITCH. (Aliens)
  6. Give me what I want and I’ll go away. (Storm of the Century)
  7. You’re not a pleasure unit. (In Like Flint)
  8. Make little fists with your toes. (Die Hard)
  9. I’ll have what she’s having. (When Harry Met Sally)
  10. Losers always whine about doing their best. (The Rock)

Some of these were pretty easy, but still if you answered eight or more correct then I’d say you’re well on your way to laying claim to that ever so enviable icon of being a Couch Potato.    For those of you who didn’t fare so well, don’t fret – I’ll have more challenges coming your way.  J/W



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