Do you think you’re ready? Well take a seat because I’m about to blow your mind. Not since the invention of the wheel or the Reece’s Cup has cerebral matter been put to such great use – or devised something so incredible that it makes you drop to your knees and weep.
What can I be talking about? Well I’ve only done the impossible. I’ve combined America’s greatest thrill – driving hopped up cars really fast: with America’s most hated chore – doing the laundry. That’s right! I told you that I’d blow your mind. Here is how it works.
First you buy an old muscle car with as big of an engine as you can find. My personal preference would be a 1971 Cuda with a 426 Hemi. Then you fabricate and weld a bunch of metal conduit crossbars to the roof so that they traverse the car about three feet over the roofline. And let me tell you, the bigger and more elaborate the contraption on top of your car – the better. See… what you’re going to do is hang your wet clothes on these bars. That’s right! Right out of the washer. Just like a clothes line. But not quite – you don’t need no stinking breeze. You’re going to create your own breeze. You’re going to fishtail onto the highway and floor it. Nothing dries clothes quicker than a stiff headwind in excess of 90 mph. That’s why you want one of the old muscle cars with as big of an engine as you can find. The more gas it sucks down, the faster you’re going to be able to dry your clothes.
Just think of the joy and freedom of flying down the highway, speedometer pegged as your underwear flaps in the wind over your car. I know what you’re going to say. Some of the clothes are going to come lose and slap up against the windshield of the guy behind you. I say so what… I mean don’t tell me you’ve never lost a sock or two in the drier.
Until next time, keep the tachometer buried in the red, and the environment buried in the green. J/W
