Some of the traditions I enjoyed while growing up in Kansas city include the Smokestack restaurant for great BBQ, FunHouse Pizza for probably the best pizza ever made, and of course crossing the state line to get 3.2 beer in Kansas. But until just recently, I never participated in one of the most well-known KC traditions - joining the celebration of the turning on the Plaza lights.
For those who have never been to Kansas city, the Country club Plaza is a must-see. The "Plaza" designed in 1922, is a retail district that comprises roughly 14 square blocks of beautiful Spanish architecture. There are over 150 shops and dozens of fine restaurants, including premier steak houses, bars and sidewalk cafes. The Plaza represents the hub of Kansas City's fountains. For those who don't know, KC is second only to Rome in the number of municipal fountains. The Plaza is also right next to two nationally renowned museums. So if you ever visit KC, you really need to go to the Plaza.
"The Plaza Lights" as you can guess, are the Christmas lights strung up on and around all the shops, trees and fountains in this wonderful area. In all, there's over 80 miles of wire with over 280,000 bulbs. Yeah... it's pretty bright. Every year thousands upon thousands of spectators converge on the Plaza to see the lights turned on Thanksgiving evening. It's a truly beautiful sight.
Now as I mentioned, although I thoroughly enjoyed the Plaza lights while growing up in KC, I'd never actually been there to see them turned on. My wife and I decided to remedy that a few years back. Now before I go any further, you need to know two things vital to this story. 1) It's not uncommon for KC to have wind chills in the single digits this time of year. 2) The center of my life force, my "Achilles Heel" so to speak, is the body heat I generate and store in my ass. As long as my ass is okay - I'm okay. As an example - three years ago we went to the Indiana / Purdue football game. Through three quarters of play, the cold metal seat sucked the heat right out of my ass. In the end - it nearly killed me. So for me to venture out in the late November cold of KC to see lights turned on was something pretty amazing. But that's just the kind of man I am. Braveheart had his call for freedom, I have my ass-heat.
So there we are, guzzling hot chocolate by the barrel as we huddle among the masses to see the lights flicked on. If you were there you might remember me - I was the one with a foam seat cushion strapped to my ass. Anyway, even with the hot chocolate and the seat cushion, with every tick of the clock I could feel the life slowly being drawn out of me. As the seconds counted down to the throw of the switch, I stood brave and cheered with the others. As luck would have it, at the count of seven I started to feel a sneeze coming on. Hold it! At the count of four my nose started twitching. Hold it! At the count of two my head started to tilt back. Hold it!
The earth-rattling sneeze that followed stole the moment. When I opened my eyes and focused - the lights were on and everyone was jumping with cheer. My wife was nearly in tears at such a wondrous sight. But all I could do was grab my ass and check for life!
Until next time, enjoy your own traditions. J/W
