The after Thanksgiving Day mad rush to stores... big sales, big crowds... big deal. Okay, here's the straight scoop. I saw where Best Buy was going to mark down DVDs by 10% today. As it so happens, Best Buy is right next to Kohl's (which seems to have a sale about every other day). My wife likes to take advantage of the sales at Kohl's and so I thought 'Hey... I'll get me some DVDs in Best Buy while she's looking at clothes.' So at a little before six this morning, I scraped the ice off the windows on our car and we headed out on our quest for the great white deal.
Now we live in a small town, so whenever I go into the city I make sure that I obey all speed limits. Well forget what they say about city folks not being kind. I must have had a dozen or so cars speed by me and honk the holiday cheer and wave my a fond good-day. Or at least I think they were waving. Anyway, once we got to the stores I spent about a gallon of gas driving around looking for a parking space. I finally found one way out by the highway. I could have used a shuttle to pick us up, but since there wasn't one, my wife and I set out on foot to cross the great blacktop divide of the parking lot. After fearful encounters with such iron beasts as the jaguar and mustang, we parted and went our separate ways. She disappeared inside Kohl's as I stepped inside Best Buy. As soon as I stepped through those magical doors, I felt like a boy with a golden ticket stepping into a place where dreams come true.
But at the same time I could feel myself falling into the same feverish hunt as the other shoppers. I could smell blood. With a grunt, I pushed an old lady out of the way and ran back to the DVD section. There before me lay such a beautiful sight. Like fresh kill already dressed, were the aisles upon aisles of DVDs marked down from $9.99 to $8.99. I let out a little squeak for joy as I raised up on my toes. Within minutes I had scooped as many as I could. Did I already have some of the titles? Who cares. The more movies I bought - the more money I saved!
Arms fully loaded, I spun around to sprint up to the checkouts at the front of the store. But as my bounty spilt to the floor, I sadly realized that I was in line. The lines to the checkouts ran from the front of the stores, back through electronics, past the music section and into the movie section where I found myself standing. I felt that if I strained my eyes hard enough, I might possibly see Moses up near the front leading us out.
In my shock, I accidentally bumped into a woman standing in front of me. She turned and grunted something primal. I grunted back and bared my teeth. If I only had a club! As I waited ten minutes for the line to move one person, I gradually began to notice that the entire line was swaying from side-to-side. I turned to look at the man standing behind me. His eyes were locked in the blank stare of the dead. It gave me the strangest sensation that we were living in some unearthly story from Bentley Little, like 'The Store'. Heaven help us all!
I dumped everything and ran for dear life screaming all the way.
What's the price of our sanity? It seems to be about 10%.... Until next time, enjoy your shopping.... J/W
